2007-07-11 - 8:09 p.m.

Sometimes horrible things just pop in my head. Horrible things like what if people in my family got shot. Sometimes when I'm going to sleep that pops in my mind and I just lie in the bed and cry.

No one can replace Mom, Dad, Will, Sarah, Spencer, James, Webb, George, and Richard. I wouldn't want to go to another family, not even a nice one.

When this fills my brain I realize how much they all mean to me. I would just want God to kill me and take me to heaven with them because I know I couldn't bear it.

A lady at Food Lion said she came from a big family with ten children and she loved it! She said the sad thing is that she is the youngest, and now all the rest are dead. Her eyes filled up with tears and I know she felt broken hearted that can't be described. I know what she's feeling! I've felt it in my fears.

I just hope Jesus comes back soon and gets all of us in one swoop so none of us is left lonely and lost.

Mom said that the Lord's love in us grows deep roots that can't be plucked up and sometimes our hearts will be broken because of it, but I shouldn't let the devil torment me with fear. God has given us power and armor, you know.

Now for some happy thoughts:

We've been fishing in our pond and Will, Spencer, and James have caught huge fish-- the biggest we have ever seen! Mine were kinda puny.

Also, I baked Dad's birthday cake all by myself. It was dark chocolate with chocolate chunks and whipped cream on top. I used my Mixmaster that Ma gave me for Christmas. It has a glass bowl with a pink tint. Mom said it takes a real man to bake a cake with a pink bowl. I prayed nobody would tease me because that is starting to bore me. But, tease me all you want. It's my gift.

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