2005-08-22 - 7:39 a.m.

If I get used to Clayton being dead, and forget about him, then that's the end of Clayton. If I remember Clayton being dead, then I'm sad and troubled, but he doesn't disappear completely.

Willy Wonka disappeared and the chocolate factory stopped working. Amazingly, the factory started working again but the gates stayed locked. He got himself some Oompa Loompas to work that factory! What exactly does Willy Wonka do then?

Back to James. James said he didn't praise my picture because I had been annoying him all day. What kind of thing is that to say? I don't know how I could have been so annoying without knowing it! And why wouldn't you praise your own brother's picture?

This morning James and I woke up late and had breakfast together. James sucked up all the milk out of his bowl and then he took his spoon and ate up the damp cereal stuck to the side of his bowl. I watched all this, and then I put my face in my hand and I turned my head. I turned my head because, well, it was just a gross thing to do. He looked at me and made a weird smile at me like The Joker! I'm talking about The Joker played by Jack Nicholson in "Batman"! It was like the smile of a madman with his eyes all staring straight ahead and bugged out. So who is annoying who?

Saying, "I'm sorry" isn't good enough. You have to say, "please forgive me." I don't want either one of us to get a bitter grudge. It doesn't matter who started it; you have to stay tenderhearted to each other. That's the most important thing. We made up, so I hope the rest of the day is better or we're back to the drawing board!

James has the best voice I've ever heard, and he always helps me find my socks. I love how he lets me go for a ride on his motorcycle when it's not wrecked or out of oil.

I hate it when James and I are not getting along. It gives me this empty feeling inside like a lonely feeling. I didn't cry, but I felt like it.

I gave my school books to George because I already know what's in them and that would just be a waste of time. He jumped out of his pants over it! Mom is going to order a different grade for me so I'm not bored and wasting time. I think I should just learn how to spell instead of coloring pictures of letters and cutting out pictures of cows and then gluing them next to the letter "C". These books just have the same old cut and paste pages.

Spencer and George and James and I went fishing in the boat on our pond yesterday. James caught two small fish but I caught one that was the size of two together! It bent my rod! George picked it up by sticking his finger through its gill and then out its mouth. I held my fish in my hands. I petted it and then threw it back.

I wish Mom would take just me to a park so we could sit peacefully. Then we could pick up some books at the library.

That reminds me of a really great book Mom showed me. It is called a thesaurus. It sounds like a dinosaur, but it's not. A thesaurus is a book you use to find different words that mean the same thing. We play this game on the white board where Mom writes a word on the board and we quickly think of as many words as possible that mean about the same thing. She uses the thesaurus for ones we missed and then we look up the new words in the dictionary. We get points and everybody plays. The younger children go first so they can get the easy ones.

Here is a picture of my needlepoint that I'm working on. I'm working on the cherries, but we also have blueberries and raspberries and strawberries!

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